Hi friends!!

While I'm abroad, I'll be blogging from my new blog page: Curious Wanderings. Please follow me there to stay up to date on all my adventures in (or out of) Barcelona! :)

Thanks,
Kelsey

Accepting the unknown.

"Future" is such a daunting word. According to Wikipedia, it means, "the indefinite time period after the present. Its arrival is considered inevitable due to the existence of time and the laws of physics. Due to the nature of the reality and the unavoidability of the future, everything that currently exists and will exist is temporary and will come to an end." I like resting comfortably in what I can do and control in my current state of being. But lately, I've found my self fretting about the future. Within the next seven months, two of my good friends will be married, five of my roommates and closest friends will graduate, most planning to move away. I'll make a decision to either stay here or study abroad in Europe next year. The grades I make will help determine if I can get into the best grad schools.

It's not just this next year that I worry about, but five, ten years from now. Will I have a job that supports me? Will I have a family? Will I be living in God's Will? Will I be fulfilled as a Social Worker, friend, wife, mother, daughter, etc.?

I've been reminded a lot lately that I need to rest in Christ. Today, at work, Matthew 11:28 kept repeating in my head. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Not only that verse, but also Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ."

I think one of the things that scares me more than anything is the possibility of a complacent life. I know to many people that just "settle down," and accept the role society has placed them in. I don't want to be complacent. Ben Rector's song, "Song for the Suburbs" captures these thoughts in lyrical form. 

"This American dream is not what it seems//Maybe we're still breathing but we're all asleep// Cause I wanna live//Until I die//Don't let devil bury me alive//When my heart stops let me go home//Don't let the suburbs kill my heart and soul//My heart and soul//Pretty cars and pretty houses//Pretty people on parade//If this dream is what you're after//Then dreamin' is where you'll stay."

Well just some thoughts for the day. Happy Thanksgiving and early Christmas. :) 

Change & learning to love.

This semester, everything is new.

The past two years, I lived with a friend of mine/grad student extraordinaire/previous childhood babysitter, Ashley, who was great, but also very busy and very quiet (most of the time). I got used to life alone, and became pretty content. I enjoyed coming home to a quiet apartment, leaving when I wanted and not really worrying about what my roommates were or weren't doing. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I became pretty apathetic about a lot of things as well. I didn't care to much about what all was going on around me, just because it wasn't directly affecting my life.

Enter: Summer 2011 - Hyaets.

That all changed. I woke up to screaming babies. I helped do dishes from meals of 15+ people, on a nightly basis. I shared a room. I shared a bathroom with five others. I became actively involved in the politics of a low income, 'at-risk,'  neighborhood. I lived there and experienced directly what life is like in the 'hood. I got to know the neighbors. I fell in love with the children and families there. I've never been the type to hold onto relationships. I am an extreme avoider of emotions, I forget and move on. But there's something about Enderly Park that won't let go.

Enter: Fall 2011 - The Purple Pad

Three close friends, two former acquaintances, now turned good friends, and I. All in one large, old, purple house. Let's just say this adjustment has been an adventure. As a natural introvert, I tend to curl myself up in my room, and leave everyone else to be. But, then I realize I get jealous that everyone else is hanging out in [insert random roommate's name here]'s room, WITHOUT ME. The absurdity. Or maybe they all make dinner together, while I'm at work. Or studying together at Tate Street. I can pretty much say this jealousy probably applies for at least 50% of the roommates. I think we're learning to deal with it, at least it seems to me we are, but it's still not easy. It's a huge change from this summer though, considering the five interns basically did everything together. We didn't have jobs or classes to worry about, since we lived and worked together, it was easy for our schedules to mesh (even our personal times were pretty much synchronized).

Not only have my living conditions changed, but also my daily actions. I so badly miss my Hyaets schedule. I miss waking up to Nora & Joy Kate. Going to prayers with screaming toddlers. Lindsay and I taking our controversial power nap. Lunch/Day preparation, followed by prayers. Being bombarded by kids waiting on the porch. Crazy days with crazy kids. Evenings filled with a variety of things related to Hyaets, the neighbors, and/or the interns. It wasn't a luxurious summer by any means. I didn't get to see many of my friends from school, and only got to see my family once. But, something changed in my heart this summer. Something that school, my friends and church can't do. I think Hyaets offers a different type of love. A love more like the type Jesus offers. Not your typical, "Jesus is a right-winged conservative type that only loves Southern-Baptist republicans" or the "Jesus is a hippie, that only loves pacifist," but a Jesus that embraces and loves you as you are.

We fight so much for love, searching for this Jesus love. I think Ben Rector's (whose wonderful new CD just came out) lyrics really capture this idea:

 "I think it's true//That we all live and die//Through everyone else's eyes//That's why we need to belong////That's why my heart beats//When the telephone rings//And why I try to say funny things//It's why I'm singing this song////Cause we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////It's why it hurts so//When your girl broke your heart//It's why we want a big house//And nice car//There's nothing stronger inside////And we're no different, woman or man//We're broken, beautiful and//We only love to get by////Yeah, we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////We just want love//It's nothing above it//It's what we need//It's what we seek////And every move//Leads right back to//Our need for acceptance//Our fear of rejection."

First of all, Ben, has a way with words, unlike many artist I know. His lyrics just capture how I feel so often, and why I do what I do. I try so hard with my roommates and friends, in class, at work and at church to be accepted and loved. But really, I'm just searching for that love, God's love, to fill me. A love that Hyaets embraces. A love that I want to embrace, and hope you do as well.

Taste and See: Into the Hands of the Potter

Truth from the dearest Quinn Evans. :)

Taste and See: Into the Hands of the Potter: "So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands...

Summer reflections: part 1

As this summer is coming to a close, I've had some time to reflect on the many memories I've experienced. This summer, although extremely stressful and trying at times, has been one of the most profound times in my life. These moments have changed my life. What I knew three months ago of the 'hood and life in an "at risk" neighborhood, has gone from the view of an outsider, to someone who has seen it first hand. I've built relationships with the kids and adults in the neighborhood; laughed with them, hurt with them, made friends with them. Breaking the barrier from being an outsider to someone accepted in the neighborhood was probably one of the toughest transitions. The first few weeks, the kids were relentless to our authority. On top of the frustration of somewhat "unruly" children, was the adjustment to living, working, eating and fellowshipping with the same people. It wasn't easy. It was tiring and annoying. But somehow, by the grace of God, I adjusted and became more than an outsider. I really started building relationships with the kids and getting to know them. I developed a love for the people of the neighborhood, that only a few weeks prior, felt so foreign. I got used to having babies and toddlers (if 3 year olds are considered toddlers?) everywhere. The sound of ringing phones and knocking at the door became pretty monotonous. I think a little over halfway into the summer, I realized that my daily life was becoming extremely habitual. The kids were great, for the most part, and as far as the community atmosphere, we got along well enough. I enjoyed what I was doing, but I realized that there needed to be more than that.

Undoing Complacency.

"Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken." (Rich Mullins)

I think this quote sums up a large majority of the things I'm learning this summer. I'm learning to love, unconditionally. I'm learning that just because you're black and from the 'hood, doesn't make you a bad person (I already knew that, but internally still held a stereotype). I'm learning that

living in community, with the same people all the time, isn't easy. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning about Jesus. I'm learning to see Jesus in

those around me. The lady who needs a ride to Solo, but smells like she hasn't showered in days. The fighting six year old boys that get under my skin, but can have the cutest smiles, and sweetest spirits. The teenage boys that act like they're cool than this. The teenage girls that have walls built for miles around their hearts.

These people help me identify with Jesus. God's called me to love these people, as much as my own family and friends. As a white person, raised in a middle class family, it's easy

to forget how privileged I am. It's easy to be complacent.

com·pla·cent (km-plsnt)

adj.

1. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned: He had become complacent after years of success.

In Charlotte, there is a huge difference in the areas of poverty, and riches. I've spent some time this week in some of the "better off" parts of to

wn. It's hard for me to be comfortable in that environment now. Consumerism drives the middle to upper classes. Not saying I don't ever spend money, because according to Helms, the interns this year are "some of the most spendingness, drivingness people." So yes, I do realize I have a lot to work on. But, I've really been convicted, this past week especially, of falling into the trap of complacency for where I'm at and ignorance to the poor in my community. Poverty breaks my heart. Seeing children being raised in poverty breaks my heart. Parents, working 3 jobs, just to put food on the table. Grandparents, opening their 3 bedroom house to their children and grandchildren. While many of us (myself included) spend money on things we don't need, ignorant to those suffering around us.

As Christians we are called to do something. We are called to help the poor and needy and those who are oppressed. That doesn't mean you have to uproot your whole lifestyle and move to the 'hood (although, it's not a bad idea), but you can and must do something. Get involved locally. Find organizations you can volunteer at and give to. Get to know a homeless person. Give to a homeless person. Forget the ideas of "safety" that you've held your whole life. These people that are different than you, aren't out to hurt you. They want the same thing you want: to be loved and accepted. Build relationships. Give. Volunteer. And most of all, LOVE.

This is my prayer:

"Father, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to live at Hyaets this summer. Thank you for opening my eyes to those around me, who daily face situations that I can't begin to comprehend. Thank you that you've equipped me to do something. I'm sorry that I daily fall into the trap of consumerism and complacency. Continually convict me of my ignorance to oppression, and remind me to show your love with those around me. And allow my focus to be on you in all that I'm doing. Thank you for loving unconditionally. Amen."

1 John 3:18
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

Beautiful people.