Hi friends!!

While I'm abroad, I'll be blogging from my new blog page: Curious Wanderings. Please follow me there to stay up to date on all my adventures in (or out of) Barcelona! :)

Thanks,
Kelsey

Accepting the unknown.

"Future" is such a daunting word. According to Wikipedia, it means, "the indefinite time period after the present. Its arrival is considered inevitable due to the existence of time and the laws of physics. Due to the nature of the reality and the unavoidability of the future, everything that currently exists and will exist is temporary and will come to an end." I like resting comfortably in what I can do and control in my current state of being. But lately, I've found my self fretting about the future. Within the next seven months, two of my good friends will be married, five of my roommates and closest friends will graduate, most planning to move away. I'll make a decision to either stay here or study abroad in Europe next year. The grades I make will help determine if I can get into the best grad schools.

It's not just this next year that I worry about, but five, ten years from now. Will I have a job that supports me? Will I have a family? Will I be living in God's Will? Will I be fulfilled as a Social Worker, friend, wife, mother, daughter, etc.?

I've been reminded a lot lately that I need to rest in Christ. Today, at work, Matthew 11:28 kept repeating in my head. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Not only that verse, but also Philippians 4:6-7, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ."

I think one of the things that scares me more than anything is the possibility of a complacent life. I know to many people that just "settle down," and accept the role society has placed them in. I don't want to be complacent. Ben Rector's song, "Song for the Suburbs" captures these thoughts in lyrical form. 

"This American dream is not what it seems//Maybe we're still breathing but we're all asleep// Cause I wanna live//Until I die//Don't let devil bury me alive//When my heart stops let me go home//Don't let the suburbs kill my heart and soul//My heart and soul//Pretty cars and pretty houses//Pretty people on parade//If this dream is what you're after//Then dreamin' is where you'll stay."

Well just some thoughts for the day. Happy Thanksgiving and early Christmas. :) 

Change & learning to love.

This semester, everything is new.

The past two years, I lived with a friend of mine/grad student extraordinaire/previous childhood babysitter, Ashley, who was great, but also very busy and very quiet (most of the time). I got used to life alone, and became pretty content. I enjoyed coming home to a quiet apartment, leaving when I wanted and not really worrying about what my roommates were or weren't doing. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I became pretty apathetic about a lot of things as well. I didn't care to much about what all was going on around me, just because it wasn't directly affecting my life.

Enter: Summer 2011 - Hyaets.

That all changed. I woke up to screaming babies. I helped do dishes from meals of 15+ people, on a nightly basis. I shared a room. I shared a bathroom with five others. I became actively involved in the politics of a low income, 'at-risk,'  neighborhood. I lived there and experienced directly what life is like in the 'hood. I got to know the neighbors. I fell in love with the children and families there. I've never been the type to hold onto relationships. I am an extreme avoider of emotions, I forget and move on. But there's something about Enderly Park that won't let go.

Enter: Fall 2011 - The Purple Pad

Three close friends, two former acquaintances, now turned good friends, and I. All in one large, old, purple house. Let's just say this adjustment has been an adventure. As a natural introvert, I tend to curl myself up in my room, and leave everyone else to be. But, then I realize I get jealous that everyone else is hanging out in [insert random roommate's name here]'s room, WITHOUT ME. The absurdity. Or maybe they all make dinner together, while I'm at work. Or studying together at Tate Street. I can pretty much say this jealousy probably applies for at least 50% of the roommates. I think we're learning to deal with it, at least it seems to me we are, but it's still not easy. It's a huge change from this summer though, considering the five interns basically did everything together. We didn't have jobs or classes to worry about, since we lived and worked together, it was easy for our schedules to mesh (even our personal times were pretty much synchronized).

Not only have my living conditions changed, but also my daily actions. I so badly miss my Hyaets schedule. I miss waking up to Nora & Joy Kate. Going to prayers with screaming toddlers. Lindsay and I taking our controversial power nap. Lunch/Day preparation, followed by prayers. Being bombarded by kids waiting on the porch. Crazy days with crazy kids. Evenings filled with a variety of things related to Hyaets, the neighbors, and/or the interns. It wasn't a luxurious summer by any means. I didn't get to see many of my friends from school, and only got to see my family once. But, something changed in my heart this summer. Something that school, my friends and church can't do. I think Hyaets offers a different type of love. A love more like the type Jesus offers. Not your typical, "Jesus is a right-winged conservative type that only loves Southern-Baptist republicans" or the "Jesus is a hippie, that only loves pacifist," but a Jesus that embraces and loves you as you are.

We fight so much for love, searching for this Jesus love. I think Ben Rector's (whose wonderful new CD just came out) lyrics really capture this idea:

 "I think it's true//That we all live and die//Through everyone else's eyes//That's why we need to belong////That's why my heart beats//When the telephone rings//And why I try to say funny things//It's why I'm singing this song////Cause we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////It's why it hurts so//When your girl broke your heart//It's why we want a big house//And nice car//There's nothing stronger inside////And we're no different, woman or man//We're broken, beautiful and//We only love to get by////Yeah, we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////We just want love//It's nothing above it//It's what we need//It's what we seek////And every move//Leads right back to//Our need for acceptance//Our fear of rejection."

First of all, Ben, has a way with words, unlike many artist I know. His lyrics just capture how I feel so often, and why I do what I do. I try so hard with my roommates and friends, in class, at work and at church to be accepted and loved. But really, I'm just searching for that love, God's love, to fill me. A love that Hyaets embraces. A love that I want to embrace, and hope you do as well.

Taste and See: Into the Hands of the Potter

Truth from the dearest Quinn Evans. :)

Taste and See: Into the Hands of the Potter: "So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands...

Summer reflections: part 1

As this summer is coming to a close, I've had some time to reflect on the many memories I've experienced. This summer, although extremely stressful and trying at times, has been one of the most profound times in my life. These moments have changed my life. What I knew three months ago of the 'hood and life in an "at risk" neighborhood, has gone from the view of an outsider, to someone who has seen it first hand. I've built relationships with the kids and adults in the neighborhood; laughed with them, hurt with them, made friends with them. Breaking the barrier from being an outsider to someone accepted in the neighborhood was probably one of the toughest transitions. The first few weeks, the kids were relentless to our authority. On top of the frustration of somewhat "unruly" children, was the adjustment to living, working, eating and fellowshipping with the same people. It wasn't easy. It was tiring and annoying. But somehow, by the grace of God, I adjusted and became more than an outsider. I really started building relationships with the kids and getting to know them. I developed a love for the people of the neighborhood, that only a few weeks prior, felt so foreign. I got used to having babies and toddlers (if 3 year olds are considered toddlers?) everywhere. The sound of ringing phones and knocking at the door became pretty monotonous. I think a little over halfway into the summer, I realized that my daily life was becoming extremely habitual. The kids were great, for the most part, and as far as the community atmosphere, we got along well enough. I enjoyed what I was doing, but I realized that there needed to be more than that.

Undoing Complacency.

"Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken." (Rich Mullins)

I think this quote sums up a large majority of the things I'm learning this summer. I'm learning to love, unconditionally. I'm learning that just because you're black and from the 'hood, doesn't make you a bad person (I already knew that, but internally still held a stereotype). I'm learning that

living in community, with the same people all the time, isn't easy. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning about Jesus. I'm learning to see Jesus in

those around me. The lady who needs a ride to Solo, but smells like she hasn't showered in days. The fighting six year old boys that get under my skin, but can have the cutest smiles, and sweetest spirits. The teenage boys that act like they're cool than this. The teenage girls that have walls built for miles around their hearts.

These people help me identify with Jesus. God's called me to love these people, as much as my own family and friends. As a white person, raised in a middle class family, it's easy

to forget how privileged I am. It's easy to be complacent.

com·pla·cent (km-plsnt)

adj.

1. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned: He had become complacent after years of success.

In Charlotte, there is a huge difference in the areas of poverty, and riches. I've spent some time this week in some of the "better off" parts of to

wn. It's hard for me to be comfortable in that environment now. Consumerism drives the middle to upper classes. Not saying I don't ever spend money, because according to Helms, the interns this year are "some of the most spendingness, drivingness people." So yes, I do realize I have a lot to work on. But, I've really been convicted, this past week especially, of falling into the trap of complacency for where I'm at and ignorance to the poor in my community. Poverty breaks my heart. Seeing children being raised in poverty breaks my heart. Parents, working 3 jobs, just to put food on the table. Grandparents, opening their 3 bedroom house to their children and grandchildren. While many of us (myself included) spend money on things we don't need, ignorant to those suffering around us.

As Christians we are called to do something. We are called to help the poor and needy and those who are oppressed. That doesn't mean you have to uproot your whole lifestyle and move to the 'hood (although, it's not a bad idea), but you can and must do something. Get involved locally. Find organizations you can volunteer at and give to. Get to know a homeless person. Give to a homeless person. Forget the ideas of "safety" that you've held your whole life. These people that are different than you, aren't out to hurt you. They want the same thing you want: to be loved and accepted. Build relationships. Give. Volunteer. And most of all, LOVE.

This is my prayer:

"Father, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to live at Hyaets this summer. Thank you for opening my eyes to those around me, who daily face situations that I can't begin to comprehend. Thank you that you've equipped me to do something. I'm sorry that I daily fall into the trap of consumerism and complacency. Continually convict me of my ignorance to oppression, and remind me to show your love with those around me. And allow my focus to be on you in all that I'm doing. Thank you for loving unconditionally. Amen."

1 John 3:18
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

Beautiful people.

Week 3 Summary

I'm happy to report that this past week was by far better than the first and second weeks here at Hyaets.

We spent four out of five days either at a pool-like facility or playing with/in water. I've determined that water makes days better. As silly as it sounds, water seems to bring out the child in the kids. They don't keep up their tough guy acts when surrounded by water. I love it. I would take the kids to the pool everyday if I was allowed.

This past week may have also been better because Lindsay and I were more accustomed to what we were doing. Two weeks ago, we didn't know what to expect, and thus, came unprepared for the day and challenges we were going to face. But this week, we knew the importance of planning and actively entertaining the kids. I think we've also been able to break past their shells some, which has been great. We still had some instances with a few kids, but nothing major.

I'm planning on writing a reflective blog soon on how my time here has affected my views of "the other," and just my ideas of poverty/heartache/organic-ness/green/religion in general. For now, I've got to get some sleep. :)

Learning to love and breathe.

My words aren't justly coming together to form descriptive sentences for this week, so here are a few words:

Exasperating. Overwhelming. Fun. Learning. Headache-worthy. Teaching. New. Exhausting. Confusing. Enjoyable. Trying. Hard. Exciting.

_______________________________________________________

The Jarrell Family, made up of Greg, Helms, Joe, John-Tyson and Zeb, works mainly with the children; while the Williams Family: Jason, Joanie, Jamar, Kevin, Joy-Kate and Nora, interacts predominately with the adults. For the summer, I'm living with the Williams family, and my wonderful roommate, Lindsay. I work mainly with the Jarrell family, since my focus this summer is with the children from the neighborhood.

Every weekday, anywhere from 8-15 (the amount for this week, throughout the summer the number may vary more) children come to the Clubhouse from 12-4. The kids love coming to hang out with the Hyaets family, and look forward to the summer activities that we plan. Most of the week last week, we spent planning out over all schedule:

Monday: Park day

Tuesday: Gym/garden day

Wednesday: Field trip day

Thursday: Pool day

Friday: Intern surprise day

To most, predominately Lindsay and I, this would seem like enough planning...but quickly did we learn it was not. The Enderly Park kids are raised in a culture that is so foreign to mine. They grow up tough. They spit out words, and most of the time, they don't hesitate to put them into action. As interns, we've learned fast that down time with the kids is not okay. Every minute almost has to be planned out, especially for the younger kids. Things can escalate in an instant from a small remark to a full on fight. Within the first week, I've already had to break up two very physical fights (between 8 year olds). If they aren't fighting, a lot of the time they are yelling at each other. I've probably heard the phrases, "Shut up, or I'll beat (punch, smack, hit, etc) you," more times this past week than I've heard it in my lifetime. I've found myself at a loss for a response. I don't feel like I'm in a position to tell the kids that's not okay, because this isn't my culture. It might be different in a month of so, when I've become more acclimated to the area, but for now, I'm still a foreigner.

One of the biggest things I've struggled with this week has been perseverance. I'm pretty good at running away from things. I'm good at starting things, but not finishing. I'm good at big ideas, but not details. God placed me here this summer to love and build relationships with these kids. By Monday at four, I was already sick of it. I felt like everything was out of control. In fact, I still feel that way, although, slightly less out of control. Tuesday was even more trying than Monday. So by the time Wednesday came along, I had already lost all my patience to deal with the kids. Wednesday, we were able to go to ImaginOn, in downtown Charlotte, and we were split into groups. I only had two boys for most of the time...but it was still a challenge. Thursdays was a breath of fresh air. We only take 8 kids to the pool, thanks to limited seating and the fact that they all can't swim, so it was much easier to handle. It was also refreshing because the majority of the kids were older (middle to high schoolers), and thus easier to get along with. They were much more receptive to what I had to say than any of the younger kids. I'm thankful that Thursday went so well, because I'm almost positive I would have gone insane today if that wasn't the case. Today was not good. I'm not sure if it was our lack of planning (it was craft day), or the fact that it was the last day of the week, but it was rather ridiculous. Thankfully, it's officially the weekend, and I can breathe now. I can't say I've officially recovered, but nothing a good nights sleep and some time with Jesus can't cure. :)

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done." --Philippians 4:6

Hyaets, Tree of Life

Charlotte, also known as the Queen City, thanks to the German Princess Charlotte of Mecklenburg. Home to more than 731,000 "Charlotteans," and growing. Second largest banking city in the United States. Famous for the Charlotte Bobcats and the Carolina Panthers.

While you may be enraptured by these facts and the beautiful skyline, don't be fooled by the facade. Charlotte is home to a large number of impoverished individuals and families. According to the US Census Bureau, 9.4% of families and 12.8% of individuals live below the poverty level. For those just visiting the city, one would not normally see anything out of the ordinary. Charlotte is a city built around the life of your average middle and upper class citizen. For those that don't fall into either of those categories and struggle to make ends meet, life isn't so easy.

Just travel to the outskirts of downtown, to a neighborhood called Enderly Park, and you'll meet some of those that aren't so fortunate. The people that make up this community are you everyday people, struck with unfortunate circumstances. Adults, trying to pay last months dues, kids, just wanting to play, but with seemingly no where to go and teenagers stuck in between. I've only been here for a few days, but the stories I've heard from those in the neighborhood are heartbreaking, and almost hopeless. Thankfully, there is hope. God laid on the heart of two couples to move to an area in Charlotte that no one else wanted to live. This cooperative of people, listening to the needs of those in the neighborhood has become known as "Hyaets," meaning "Tree of Life." That's what it's become in Enderly Park. Hyaets strives to meet the basic needs of these people, and build lasting relationships with them. The kids have a place to play after school and during summer, while the adults have people to talk to that are willing to help them with their problems.

I've only been here a few days, but have already been blown away by the selflessness, and Christ-like characteristics of these two families. I know this summer will be trying at times, but not without a cause. God's called me here for reasons I may not fully understand yet, but I'm excited to learn. :)

I have the awesome opportunity this summer to work with an organization called "Hyaets" in the West side of Charlotte. I'm planning on blogging at least weekly to keep everyone updated on my life. Hopefully, most of my blogs will be photo blogs...like the saying says, "A picture is worth a thousand words."

I'm sure I'll update more later, but thought this was a good place to start!

Excuses

I've realized that I've been making excuses not to blog lately. I want to make the next blog better than the last: more moving, more spiritual, more profound. I've been waiting around for something huge to just come smack me in the face, so I can write it for the whole world to read. The truth is, most of the things that make up who I am come through small situations or moments that may not be that memorable. So I've decided that I'm not going to put a quota on what my blog entails, if that means sharing something silly or stupid, I just may. :)

P.S. Thanks to Quinn Evans for encouraging me to blog more...Hopefully, this is a step in that direction.

_________________________________________________________

Transformed.

Today, there are over 27 million people in modern-day slavery across the world. You may think that it doesn't affect you and you have no part in it, but you do. Many companies and organizations use slaves in other countries to make their products. These products are shipped and sold in the US. By being informed, and buying Fair Trade products, you are supporting a slave free environment. Most of these people put to work are children. According to UNICEF, one in six children in the world (158 million total) is engaged in child labour. Not all of this is slave based, but appalling, nonetheless. Often times, these children, especially girls working as domestic servants are abused and sexually exploited. In India, girls are bought and forced to please men up to 40 times a day in the brothels. These statistics break my heart.

I don't share these statistics with you lightly. God has put such a passion in my heart for these people that seemingly have no hope. As a Christian, I am commanded to do something about this.

Deuteronomy 15:11: "There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land."

Psalm 82:3-4: "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

James 1: 27: "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

1 John 3:17-18: "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

God opened my eyes up to this tragedy in 10th grade, but I did not seek out opportunities to get involved. I became informed, which is necessary, but that was where my interest ended. Again and again, God's brought this issue in front of me, and I've just brushed it off. During the Passion 2010 conference, I was able to listen to Allison Townbridge from Not For Sale speak about opportunities and ways to get involved. I came back to Greensboro, and moved on with my life. I did not take the knowledge God had bestowed upon me and use it for something greater, until now. God again, burdened my heart for this cause. I'm choosing to no longer be stationary. God has opened up doors on UNCG's campus for a club to inform and allow people to get involved in abolishing modern-day slavery.

Earlier today, I met with Sandra Johnson from The Triad Ladder of Hope. It's taken a while for us to finally meet, but God's timing is always perfect. I was able to share with her what God had laid on my heart, and she shared with me what God was doing through The Triad Ladder of Hope. After hearing her stories, it is SO apparent that God is ACTIVELY moving and working through this organization. It was so encouraging.

Looking at what God's doing now, and how long I've postponed letting him use me, I can't help but chuckle. I have been so hardheaded and untrusting. But, I'm reminded over and over again that God is sovereign. Even when I'm stubborn, he's still in complete control.

I was reminded this again during small group tonight. We've been going through Ephesians, and tonight our focus was on Ephesians 2:11-22.

^"11Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— ¹²remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. ¹³But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

¹⁴For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ¹⁵by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, ¹⁶and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. ¹⁷He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

¹⁹Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, ²⁰built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. ²²And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

These verses are chocked full of wisdom and understanding. Let me just break down what God showed me through them tonight.

During the time this was written, the Jew and Gentile males were defined by their circumcision, or lack there of. The circumcision defined their identity. If they were a Jew and circumcised, they were in the law and part of God's chosen people. Ephesians was written by Paul, who was called to preach to the uncircumcised and share that the physical boundaries previously set by the law, were no longer applicable. Jesus had come to save all those which were lost, not just one group of people. Even today, the idea of the law is often integrated into our Christian beliefs. It's easy to get caught up in our checklist and guidelines. That's not what it's about anymore. Jesus came to cover our sins and to offer us hope, because without Christ, we are hopeless. According to verse 12, we "were separated from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world." God doesn't leave it there, but offers us a hope in verse 15, "by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations." Jesus died to "destroy the barrier." We no longer live by the law, but are defined by God's all encompassing grace.

Tonight, Forrest (one of the small group leaders), asked us how we thought God saw us and what he saw in us. This question really made me think. Humanly, I don't know what would entice someone to continually love like God loves us. He loved us so much that he sent his only Son to die, a tortured, painful death. Because of this sacrifice, he can now look on his followers and see Christ blood covering all our imperfections. We're no longer broken vessels, but we're whole because of Christ sacrifice!

In verse 19, it talks about no longer being foreigners because we are members of God's kingdom. It's amazing to know that I am a citizen in Christ eternal, royal kingdom! I might have days on Earth that suck and aren't everything I hoped they would be, but I can REJOICE, because this is not my home. While reading over this, God reminded me of Hebrews 11:13c, which says, "And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." Right now, I am a stranger on this Earth. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I am a citizen of God's kingdom, and it should change who I am. I shouldn't fit in. I don't want it to be a subtle difference either. I want the change to be noticeable. 1 Peter 4:12-16 says,

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name."

The change that Christ has made in my life should cause persecution and suffering in this life. My life should be so drastically different from those around me that they don't know how to respond. It's easy to sugar coat what we as Christians are called to do and be. I'm really good at just falling into the motions. Sure my Facebook religious views state that I'm a Christian, but would others know by my day to day actions? I desire for God to transform me to be a person that 100% of the time acts like an heir to His royal kingdom.

My life should be built around Christ being my cornerstone (Eph 2:20). Wikipedia defines a cornerstone as "the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation, important since all other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure." If my life's cornerstone is truly Christ, then everything I build on top of that has to align and fit perfectly onto the cornerstone. If it doesn't, my building won't stand. God is molding me to become "a holy temple in the Lord." I am placed here for a reason, to glorify God in all that I do. He should be protruding from me, in every aspect.

The body of Christ is crucial in this passage. Verse 19 says that as a Christian, we become, "fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's households." I've been abundantly blessed lately by an amazing body of Christ, surrounding, uplifting and encouraging me. Even though I may be an alien in this world, I'm not the only one. That thought is so comforting. I know that a lot of you reading this are probably those that God has directly placed in my life as fellow citizens. Even being on campus, and seeing a smile or being greeted by a hug by one of you can be so encouraging. It's a daily reminder that God is actively at work. He put me in Greensboro for a reason, and I am so thankful for that.

Guarding My Heart

Scenario: Titans vs. Giants; Giants have the ball. Adam Koets is playing as the Giants center (a pivotal point for the protection of the QB) and Eli Manning (Quarterback) is snapped the ball. The Titans are lined up against them, on their defensive A-game. Koets gets distracted for a moment by thoughts of the impending tackle from the Titans defensive. In that one moment, he's left vulnerable, and the Titans defense, trained specifically for that moment of weakness, moves in. They take down Koets, and move into attack Manning before he's able to get rid of the ball. After a few more plays, the ball is turned over to the Titans. Armed with an incredible offensive line and Quarterback, Vince Young. The Titans have no trouble overriding the flawed defense of the Giants. They go on to score, and ultimately win the game.

Compare this to what Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."

If you're having a hard time comparing them, let me help you out:

Above all else = Most importantly.
Guard (Defensive team/Center/Offensive Line) = "to keep safe from harm or danger; protect; watch over."
Heart (Quarterback) = "the vital center and source of one's being, emotions and sensabilities."
Wellspring (The football) = "a source of continual supply."
Life (Leading score) = "the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body."

Now, what does this mean in my life?

Let me just preface this statement by saying, I know, I've not only been there, but I'm just now recovering, and trying to get the 'ball' back.

God commands Christians to keep their guard up. You loose the ball when you let your guard down, and if you don't have the ball, you can't win the game. I realized that recently. I wanted to play the game of life without a play book and a trained defense.

I've learned that in order to keep your guard up, you have to meditate in God's word all the time. It has to be deliberate and disciplined. Like football, you can't go up against a professional team without training. You'd be crushed instantly. Satan is a professional at what he does. He, like the Titans defensive line, looks for our moments of weakness, and takes them. He won't pass them up because he feels sorry for us, or wants to give us a break. That's not his job. Earlier this year, I let my guard down, and I learned how quickly Satan moves in and captures the ball. The football was no longer in my hands, and I was just trying to get by. I settled.

God's plan never includes settling for less. When we settle for less, no one but Satan wins. God lays down guidelines for our protection, and by ignoring them, we open ourselves up for hurt. This hurt can become a habitual pattern, one often we think we can't get out of, don't want to get out of, or feel like we deserve. These are all Satan's tactics. Our wellspring is cut off, and we are no longer alive. We become blinded by our sin. But, God and his grace is so much greater than that.

Ephesians 2:1-5 says,
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

God forgives because of his great love. He never desires his children to be separated from Him. He desires to be our guardian, and to protect us from Satan's tactics, that only leave us broken. I just think that's pretty incredible. :) Thank you, Jesus.

Showing weakness.

I'm realizing that you live and you learn. you move on. you adjust to change. and through all of it, you trust God. He knows whats in store for you... even if it's not what you want or think is best. Just check out Jeremiah 29: 11-13,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

As much as I might try to plan out my life, it's not always going to happen the way I want it too. Take Andrew and I for example. Being a girl, I had it all planned out, I thought it would work. Turns out it didn't. Something that neither one of us could really do much about. Keeping up a relationship 8 hours away for the next four years wasn't going to happen.

I broke down a few days before we actually broke up, because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I also knew God was telling me to give it up to Him and that it wasn't in His plans. I did NOT want to hear that. I held on to it as hard as I could. On Thursday night, my friend Colleen and Katie invited me to spend the night. So I did. And we just spent some time worshiping and reading God's word. Colleen kept pulling out all these verses that were SOOO appropriate... I was like, GOD WHY?! Why do you put all these people around me to remind me of your plan, and that what I want isn't your plan. I hate that.

So the next day, Andrew and I just talked about it and both agreed we couldn't do it. I didn't die. Yes, it hurt, and it was weird. It still is weird... but God's really given me a peace about the situation and knowing HE is in control. God is the master planner. He's my Heavenly Father. He knows my heart. He is the creator of love. Why even question Him?

Last night I get home and learn there had been a shooting right outside of my apartment building (literally about 200 feet from my door). A tad bit scary. Especially living by myself. Then I remembered what John Piper wrote in his book, Don't Waste Your Life. He states,

"Therefore risk is woven into the fabric of our finite lives. We cannot avoid risk even if we want to. Ignorance and uncertainty about tomorrow is our native air. All of our plans for tomorrow's activities can be shattered by a thousand unknowns whether we stay at home under the covers or ride the freeways. One of my aims is to explode the myth of safety and to somehow deliver you from the enchantment of security. Because it's a mirage. It 'doesn't exist. Every direction you turn there are unknowns and things beyond your control."

I had never thought about safety in this sense before I read this book. I had also never been in a situation where a shooting occurred near me. I think in Piper's book he was challenging people to not live lives in our comfort zones, but to leave our suburban, middle class neighborhoods and preach God's word in all situations. That certainly isn't why I decided to come to college in Greensboro, but it made me think about why I'm here. God has placed me outside of my safety mirage of Apex, NC for a reason. I have no reason to be scared here, because I am in the care of my heavenly father. The only truly safe place is in His hands (check out Ps. 91).

To sum it all up, I'm not comfortable here. God has placed me away from all of my best friends, not so that I'll be miserable, but so He can have all of me. He has put me in an unfamiliar environment that scares me so that I'll rely on Him. The end result: hopefully a life spent glorifying God.

Hebrews 12: 1-11

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Embracing Community

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." -Hebrews 10:25

Coming from a home where I'm surrounded by my strong Christian friends and family, and entering an unknown environment, seemingly void of Christian community is a terrible way to start college. My first week I was alone in an apartment, away from my comfort zone and the familiarity of home and all that goes along with it. I wasn't completely alone, I had friends up here from high school, but none that I knew well or were Christians that would support me. Although, it was only a week, felt extremely alone.

The past two weeks I've gotten involved with both Campus Crusade and Intervarsity. It's amazing how encouraging it is to be in fellowship with Christians after spent some time out of that environment. I'm in a small group with both organizations and am participating in intramurals for Crusade. I'm really excited about what God has in store for both of these organizations in my life and in others.

More importantly, is what God taught me yesterday. Sometimes, I hate being taught things, and lately has been proof of that. I wasn't listening to God. I wanted to be surrounded by people who would befriend me. I didn't want to be lonely or feel like an outcast. I really struggle with that. I'm used to having friends around me to keep me busy and to talk to and be social with, but I haven't really had the luxury of that here. I came home yesterday and God just broke me down.

"Why, Kelsey, have you been trying so hard to fill yourself with the things of this world and the people here? You want to be accepted and loved by those around you, but can't you see that I love you and I'm here for you all the time? Stop trying to fill yourself with friendships that will only distract you from me. I'll provide for you, when the time comes. Focus on me. Take a rest from your social life. Spend that time with me."

So I spent sometime in God's word yesterday, just reading and praying. It was awesome. God is awesome. So a large part of today, I've spent doing the same thing. I was reading in Psalms today and God showed me this verse (107:9) that really challenged me today:

"For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."

It's not like now I'm going to become an anti-social college kid, but God's challenging me to not rely on friends to fill my void, but turn to Him instead. :) So that's just what I'm planning on doing.