Change & learning to love.

This semester, everything is new.

The past two years, I lived with a friend of mine/grad student extraordinaire/previous childhood babysitter, Ashley, who was great, but also very busy and very quiet (most of the time). I got used to life alone, and became pretty content. I enjoyed coming home to a quiet apartment, leaving when I wanted and not really worrying about what my roommates were or weren't doing. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I became pretty apathetic about a lot of things as well. I didn't care to much about what all was going on around me, just because it wasn't directly affecting my life.

Enter: Summer 2011 - Hyaets.

That all changed. I woke up to screaming babies. I helped do dishes from meals of 15+ people, on a nightly basis. I shared a room. I shared a bathroom with five others. I became actively involved in the politics of a low income, 'at-risk,'  neighborhood. I lived there and experienced directly what life is like in the 'hood. I got to know the neighbors. I fell in love with the children and families there. I've never been the type to hold onto relationships. I am an extreme avoider of emotions, I forget and move on. But there's something about Enderly Park that won't let go.

Enter: Fall 2011 - The Purple Pad

Three close friends, two former acquaintances, now turned good friends, and I. All in one large, old, purple house. Let's just say this adjustment has been an adventure. As a natural introvert, I tend to curl myself up in my room, and leave everyone else to be. But, then I realize I get jealous that everyone else is hanging out in [insert random roommate's name here]'s room, WITHOUT ME. The absurdity. Or maybe they all make dinner together, while I'm at work. Or studying together at Tate Street. I can pretty much say this jealousy probably applies for at least 50% of the roommates. I think we're learning to deal with it, at least it seems to me we are, but it's still not easy. It's a huge change from this summer though, considering the five interns basically did everything together. We didn't have jobs or classes to worry about, since we lived and worked together, it was easy for our schedules to mesh (even our personal times were pretty much synchronized).

Not only have my living conditions changed, but also my daily actions. I so badly miss my Hyaets schedule. I miss waking up to Nora & Joy Kate. Going to prayers with screaming toddlers. Lindsay and I taking our controversial power nap. Lunch/Day preparation, followed by prayers. Being bombarded by kids waiting on the porch. Crazy days with crazy kids. Evenings filled with a variety of things related to Hyaets, the neighbors, and/or the interns. It wasn't a luxurious summer by any means. I didn't get to see many of my friends from school, and only got to see my family once. But, something changed in my heart this summer. Something that school, my friends and church can't do. I think Hyaets offers a different type of love. A love more like the type Jesus offers. Not your typical, "Jesus is a right-winged conservative type that only loves Southern-Baptist republicans" or the "Jesus is a hippie, that only loves pacifist," but a Jesus that embraces and loves you as you are.

We fight so much for love, searching for this Jesus love. I think Ben Rector's (whose wonderful new CD just came out) lyrics really capture this idea:

 "I think it's true//That we all live and die//Through everyone else's eyes//That's why we need to belong////That's why my heart beats//When the telephone rings//And why I try to say funny things//It's why I'm singing this song////Cause we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////It's why it hurts so//When your girl broke your heart//It's why we want a big house//And nice car//There's nothing stronger inside////And we're no different, woman or man//We're broken, beautiful and//We only love to get by////Yeah, we just wanna be loved//We just wanna be loved//And when it's said and done//There's no one above//A little love////We just want love//It's nothing above it//It's what we need//It's what we seek////And every move//Leads right back to//Our need for acceptance//Our fear of rejection."

First of all, Ben, has a way with words, unlike many artist I know. His lyrics just capture how I feel so often, and why I do what I do. I try so hard with my roommates and friends, in class, at work and at church to be accepted and loved. But really, I'm just searching for that love, God's love, to fill me. A love that Hyaets embraces. A love that I want to embrace, and hope you do as well.